Riddle Me This, Jishman

Happy National Hat Day! This guy is one of our loyal readers. You can tell by his face: (more…)

This one is quite humorous! Also, from my parents:

A lady walks into Tiffany’s during the holiday season. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly lets one squeak out.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little ‘whoops’ and prays that a sales person wasn’t anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - and he’s good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s. He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?’

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?’

He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it - you’re going to sh–t when I tell you the price.”

Have a great day!

My parents sent this to me just in time for the Holidays:

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a candy-cane, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

“They’re Carol’s!”

Yes… a groaner!

A friend sent me this email joke entitled “Why Italians Can’t be Paramedics!” Funny stuff!

Vinnie and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground.
He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinnie whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, ”I think Sal is dead! What should I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, ”Just take it easy and follow my instructions.
First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a moment of silence.

And then a shot is heard.

Vinnie’s voice comes back on the line,

”Okay… now what?”

Have a great day!

This was sent to me by my parents….Enjoy!

a love story

I will seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

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I have to give my parents credit for sending along this one…. Enjoy it!

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

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This is hysterical:

A friend sent this to me earlier in the week, I got a kick out of it and immediately slated it for a “Friday Morning Funnies” segment at RMTJ… I hope you enjoy it!

Frank and his buddies were hanging out and planning a 5-day golf trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go because his wife wouldn’t let him..

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Frank headed home totally frustrated. The following week when Frank’s buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Frank sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer and holding his putter!

“How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Frank?”

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This was sent to me a long time ago… I hope you enjoy it:

The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times..?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

“Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

“Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

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I have to thank my parents for sending this one along…. enjoy!

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins,they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shot gun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him.
‘You gonna try again.’

I know we try to ignore politics in this forum but this was too good to pass up, especially considering the current state of affairs:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family , so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

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Since the Yankees demoralized the Boston Red Sox this weekend and for the past month. So to ease the pain, I have given all you Red Sox fans a gift here at RMTJ; SOXYCONTIN!!!

Enjoy!!!

Btw, Let’s Go Yankees!!!

I have to thank Jishman’s Pops for sending along this little trinket. Enjoy the weekend!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: “Viagra advertising slogans.”

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

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I have to thank my Aunt Marie for sending this to me…. this is funny; I hope you enjoy!

Why I Had to Fire my Secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday.’

I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember! My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

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My parents sent this to me and it is quite funny… I hope you enjoy this installment of the Friday Morning Funnies (sorry it is late, I was in meetings all day).

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

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