Riddle Me This, Jishman

If rumors circulating over the past few days are true, there is going to be a major reorganization of Division I (FBS, Football Bowl Series, formally I-A) football over the next few weeks or months. This all began when the Big Ten announced earlier in the year that they were considering expansion. Since the, almost every other conference has been rumored to be adding or losing teams in the creation of several “super conferences.” If today’s news stories are true, here is my best (and uneducated) guess about what the conference landscape will look like in a few years.

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I’ve been pretty upfront about my enjoyment of football. I love watching it on TV. I used to get annoyed by John Madden’s clicker and pen, but it became part of the lexicon of the sport as everyone started to use it.

Baseball was totally different. I never enjoyed watching baseball on TV. Baseball on TV felt like it had more commercials than actual game time. A friend of Mrs. Jishman once told me that there are only between 15 and 20 minutes of REAL GAME TIME in any baseball game. Even a high scoring one still only has about 20-25 minutes of real game time. It’s the same amount as a half hour sitcom! But the radio changed all that. I remember going to camp and listening to Yankee games on the radio. My friend, Matt, and I would gather around the radio and in between innings, we would argue about the benefit of keeping Andy Hawkins in or bringing in Dave Righetti in the 8th. When I was in high school, I would listen to Yankee games at night and would go to sleep listening to the voices of the great broadcasters. When I graduated, I would listen to Yankee games in the car and would drive for hours just listening, hoping the game would end before my ride did.

As a fan of radio both in general and as a professional later in life, I loved listening to the broadcasters - the players came and went but the broadcasters really brought the whole game together for me. They would give you both the action and the action between the action. In between pitches (which seemed interminable), you would listen to great stories and interviews.

Though I did not grow up in Detroit - nor got the chance to hear him too often - I will never forget one time when I heard him call an All-Star game on WFAN one year in college. He was expressive and interesting. His stories were poignant and well-spoken. His voice was phenomenal, but for me too, it was his language. He had catch-phrases (or poems/Bible phrases), of course, but he didn’t feel the need to use it every time he got on the mic (thank you, Michael Kaye, you a$$). It was probably the only All-Star game I listened to, in its entirety, on the radio. I have never forgotten that game, and listening to him again on Sportscenter, I hope I never do.

If you’ve never listened to a baseball game on the radio, take the time this summer to do it. Baseball was born in an era that was before television. Use one of the 130 remaining games to listen to your favorite team on the radio. I hope you won’t regret it.

I’ve decided I’m taking umbrage with the new Nike commercials with Puppet LeBron and Puppet Kobe (shoe!). Clearly, they stole my likeness! I mean, I know I’m a public figure and all that, but this is just getting out of hand. I mean, look at us, we’re practically the same:

Here’s me:

And here’s Kobe:

Then, they even went so far as to steal my rap:

Should I take action against Nike for all of these missteps?

Dear Riddle Me This, Jishman Readers and NFL football fans everywhere,

I have been asked by many people over the past few weeks, “when are you putting out your first NFL Mock draft?” I am not. I won’t mock draft the NFL draft this year. And I won’t watch the NFL draft this year and I am asking all of you to join me in a grassroots movement throughout the Blogosphere; I am asking all of you to join me in boycotting the 2010 NFL Draft!

Why?!

Simple. As an avid NFL fan, I was not happy last summer when the NFL announced the dumbest idea to date! Roger Goodell “notified teams Thursday that the draft will be spread over three days in 2010, running Thursday, April 22, through Saturday, April 24.”

The NFL has no idea what draft day means to true NFL fans! It is an all day, non-game day, tailgate party! We see friends, we renew rivalries and we BBQ, laugh, have a few cold ones and enjoy the day watching every single selection of the first and second rounds. But the new NFL Draft Schedule will alter those NFL Draft day celebrations because Goodell and company are pitting the potential for advertising dollars in prime time against the NFL Fans. Money over loyalty.

But we can stop it! And it is as simple as turning off the television. Do Not Watch the NFL Draft in 2010!

If the ratings tank, advertising dollars will be lost and the NFL will be forced to revisit their idea!

I am asking for your support. One person will not make a difference, I need your help as well as the support of your friends and family. We have three months to mobilize an effort to do one thing; turn off the NFL Draft in 2010!

Send this message to everyone you know who loves the NFL and NFL draft day:

“Boycott the 2010 NFL Draft!”

ESPN today had a story that the Big Ten Conference is looking to expand to 12 schools. This would allow them to split into 2 divisions for football and stage a Big Ten championship game (maybe in Chicago, Minneapolis, or Indianapolis). If the Big Ten were to expand, who would they add? Before we tackle that questions, let’s list the schools currently in the conference:

Penn State
Ohio State
Michigan
Michigan State
Wisconsin
Iowa
Minnesota
Purdue
Indiana
Northwestern
Illinois

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As many people know, I was quick to want to fire a certain Maryland defensive coordinator a couple of years ago. While he is no longer at Maryland, his defense doesn’t look to bad in light of the 2-10 season Maryland just finished. With the University of Virgina firing Al Groh today, I wanted to lay out reasons why I think Maryland should bring back Ralph, even after a 10 loss season and losing records in 4 out of his last 6 seasons (even though one of those was a 6-7 season with the last loss in the Emerald Bowl to Oregon State).

1. Maryland, no matter what the Washington Post says, should not finance the approximately $4 million required to buy out his contract. That’s a lot of money. Not only would Maryland have to pay him, but they would also either have to give a 5 year contract to current Offensive Coordinator James Franklin or pay him $1 million. If they didn’t retain Franklin, they would have to come up with at least $5 million. That’s a lot of money in this economy, and when you can’t sell out the stadium or new luxury boxes.

2. Ralph is a good coach who had a very young and injured team this year. After success last year, including a Humanitarian Bowl win over Nevada, there were less than 20 seniors on this years team. While some might make the argument that so few seniors and such a poor record means there isn’t much talent in the lower classes, I would take the opposite position. While the Terps were certainly outplayed many times this season they showed flashes of brilliance that make me hopeful for next year. With almost all players returning and the opportunity to get a solid (or at least good) recruiting class, I think the team could be bowl eligible next year. I am encouraged by Jamarr Robinson’s play and would love to see him next year with consistent coaching.

3. The most important (and hardest for a alum) is to remember that we are talking about Maryland. While they have had success in football in the past (1952 National Championship, 3 ACC titles in the 1980s under Bobby Ross) football is not king. If the Fridge is fired, who are they going to get to replace him? If it’s a young coach who turns about to be like Kelly at Cincinnati then great, but it could also be another Mark Duffner or Ron Vanderlinden. Because Maryland is a middle of the road ACC school, you can’t expect a big name to leave their current job (even at a mid-major) for Maryland.

Just my thoughts. If the Fridge was fired I would understand, I just hope they give it another year.

Many Thanks to JishSis for this one:

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings..”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (Now that is beautiful)

7. David P Kalk, former MIT free safety, when attempting to guide his teammates in practice: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton .”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”

So we now have a BIG Question to ask; Did New England get off light because they were one of the influential and high revenue teams?

Case #1 — This past weekend Bud Adams, owner of the Tennessee Titans in a moment of over-exuberance gave the bird to the Buffalo Fans and was fined $250,000:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — The NFL has fined Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams $250,000 for making an obscene gesture at Buffalo fans while celebrating Tennessee’s victory over the Bills.

Commissioner Roger Goodell notified Adams of the fine Monday. League spokesman Greg Aiello said it is for conduct detrimental to the NFL. Adams was seen making the gesture while in his luxury suite and again on the field after Sunday’s 41-17 victory.

Case #2 — Bill Belicheck was fined $500,000 in 2007 and not suspended for cheating!

NEW YORK — New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was fined the NFL maximum of $500,000 Thursday and the Patriots were ordered to pay $250,000 for spying on an opponent’s defensive signals.

Commissioner Roger Goodell also ordered the team to give up its first-round draft choice next year if it reaches the playoffs this season, or its second- and third-round picks if it misses the postseason.

“This episode represents a calculated and deliberate attempt to avoid long-standing rules designed to encourage fair play and promote honest competition on the playing field,” Goodell said in a letter to the Patriots.

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My cousin posted this on his FB page. Watch this catch and then check out the outfielder’s look afterward.

So let’s cut to the chase:

Are you for Favre and want Minnesota to win? Or are you against Favre and want Green bay to win?

And please, be willing to share your full thought on the subject!

We would like to welcome our newest Jets fan, Waterboy! That’s right, folks, Waterboy mentioned on the phone with me today that if the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Denver Broncos, he would become a J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS fan….Dallas lost, thus…

WELCOME TO THE JETS BANDWAGON, my friend, I have saved a seat for you! Feel free to bring your tissues to the next game.

1.) The Lions finally did something right! - apparently, they released Shaun Smith, DT, formerly of the Bungals and the Browns (aka the mini-Manginis). In and of itself, this is not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing (for the Lions). The day after they released him, however, it was announced that he was going to be suspended for 4 games because of a water pill he took that could be used to mask anabolic steroids (wait for it). Now, because of his status as a vested veteran, had he stayed on their roster for week 1, they would have owed him his full salary for the season (minus the games he was suspended for). Because they released him (here it comes), however, even if they resign him in 3 to 4 weeks, they will only owe him the weekly salaries that he’s on the roster not his full salary (nor do they take the cap hit). This is BRILLIANT for the lions (for any other team, it’s just standard operating procedure, but this is the lions, thus, BRILLIANT!) Already forgetting the Matt Millen era. Had Millen been there, he would have been signed to a long term, GUARANTEED CONTRACT and then been suspended, so he would have gotten his money either way.

2.) Steelers v. Titans - The Steelers rushed for 36 yards. THIRTY SIX!!!! The Titans ran for 86 yards. Weren’t these two teams known for running the ball a year ago? Combined, they had fewer rushing yards than the Titans averaged last year. Whatever happened to smash mouth football?! Next you’re going to tell me that Ben Roethlisberger had over 350 yards passing…oh wait! He did! He had 363! Pinch me. What is this, Madden Football?

3.) J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! We’re undefeated! Yeah! - I just had to do it, since I sense there are going to be “Just End The Season” calls from the Peanut Gallery soon enough.

4.) Brett Favre throwing the Jets under the bus - Yes, the Jets apparently screwed up by not listing you. This just in, you were injured. No kidding. You know what? I was listening to Mike & Mike the other day, and Mike Greenberg was talking about Brett Favre as a stand up guy and one that every one likes and respects. I’m sensing that tag has pretty much been ripped off. How many passes (no pun intended) does one guy get? Brett got kicked out of Green Bay but screwed around with them. Retired. Wanted to go to Minnesota, but GB won’t let him. Gets traded to Jets. Un-Retired. Pissed off people in THAT locker room. Retires. The Jets let him go (no obligation, but they do). He un-retires so he can go play with the team he wanted to in the first place, Minnesota. Says he probably won’t play all 16 games and that he doesn’t care about records (please see my a$$ on that one! you’re two games from an unheard of record and you expect us to believe it doesn’t matter to you. Yeah, sure. I’ll believe that one on game 3 once you’ve broken the record, thank you very much.). Are you kidding?!! I’m sorry, but this guy gets no more passes. Brett, you’re an idiot. Please retire. Your legacy is now one that no one can be proud of.

5.) Seymour-gate enters day 5 - yes, Richard Seymour still hasn’t reports and now, apparently, the Raiders have sent him a letter saying “report or be suspended”. Tom Cable punched 2 people during the time it took me to type this part. I love the RRRRRRRrrrrraiders.

I am so draft happy this time of year. As is often said about December, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

This year, in the Piazza league, aka league FFFL, here is my team:
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So, here is the next results of FFL draft number 2 (aka NERFL). I think my results will show I didn’t have the best draft I could have possibly had. My WRs are a bit lacking - and while they might be consistent - none of them will have a thoroughly dominating week. Unfortunately, I kept getting distracted by other owners - either advertantly or inadvertantly - so I found focusing quite hard. I’m not complaining, it was my mistake for not shooing them away, but it was hard, especially when it was my turn to bid.

Marty’s Schottenheimers
TQB Bengals TQB
RB Maurice Jones-Drew
RB Brian Westbrook
WR Lee Evans
WR Kevin Walter
WR Donald Driver
WR Ted Ginn Jr.
D/ST Chargers D/ST
K Neil Rackers
Rb Larry Johnson
WR Laveranues Coles
TE Zach Miller
WR Kenny Britt

Either way, though, I am looking forward to the season. GAME ON!

Since we were going to have our annual fantasy football draft on Sat, I took some time to write this last week.  Now, I wrote it before we drafted our teams, so any resemblance to an actual strategy is purely coincidental.

10.       You just drafted Adrian Peterson for 70 points… Not that Adrian Peterson.

9.         It’s round 3, you have two players and 12 points left.

8.         Your keeper was Matt Cassel.

7.         You drafted two kickers and three tight ends, calling it “strategic foresight.”

6.         You believe all it takes is heart and determination for a 5’9 Division III college player to become an all-star receiver.

5.         You believe being on the Bears will enhance Cutler’s numbers.

4.         In a drunken stupor, you accidently drafted Brady Quinn instead of Tom Brady.

3.         Now that Favre has unretired, your over-40 roster is complete.

2.         During your draft, you have to ask which week is Plaxico Burress’ parole hearing.

1.         Your inability to pick quality sleepers has earned you the league nickname: ‘Nostra-DUMB-A$.’