Riddle Me This, Jishman

Following up on a previous post, it appears my candidacy for NFL commissioner has ended.

I just wish I didn’t have to read the news to find out.

I can’t stand parents who think it’s ok to serve their child and their child’s friends alcohol because “if you’re going to drink, I’d rather you do it in the house,” and “as long as I take away their car keys, its ok.”

Give me a freaking break.

Marc Fisher didn’t have to look very hard to find a dumbass parent who is unaware that *gasp!* *shock!* The legal drinking age is in fact 21! And these parents have the guts, or in my opinion, stupidity, to say to a police officer writing their child a citation:

“Don’t you guys have any real crime to take care of?” When the father gets barely more than a grunt in response, he steps over to another officer and, in a quieter voice, asks, “Didn’t you drink when you were this age?”

Let me answer that for you *sneeze*dumbass*sneeze*:
1. Underage drinking is real crime.
2. If I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge when I was that age, it doesn’t make it ok.

But my most favorite (no sarcasm) part of the article was the last 3 paragraphs, when Marc Fisher spoke with a group of high schoolers:

With or without names attached, however, the students made a persuasive plea for parents who set clear boundaries. What really set them off was the bad behavior of mothers and fathers who drink with kids, who supply alcohol, who seem oblivious to their children’s problems. “I have less respect for those parents,” said one boy. “They think they’re the cool parents. But they’re not responsible.”

What some parents don’t get, several kids said, is that “nobody cares if the parents are cool.” What they do crave is parents who act like parents.

A senior girl spoke of attending a New Year’s party where more than 100 high school kids showed up, drank heavily and tore the place apart right in front of the father of the house. “It was freaky,” she says. “I didn’t have any respect for him. He was in the room the whole time, and he just let it all happen. I would never allow that kind of party in my house. He’s supposed to be the parent.”

This story was in the travel section of USAToday.com today:

Did British Airways bar a ‘drunk’ Hasselhoff?
What is it with celebrities and air travel? Just days after Mo’Nique’s brouhaha with United, a spokeswoman for Baywatch and Knight Rider star David Hasselhoff denied that the actor was kept off a British Airways flight on Wednesday because he was drunk, reports ABC/AP. The British tabloid Sun reported that Hasselhoff showed up at London Heathrow for an early morning flight “reeking of booze.” The paper also cited eyewitness reports claiming the actor “downed bottled beer and whisky chasers.” However, Hasselhoff publicist Judy Katz called the story by the Sun “totally untrue.” Katz said Hasselhoff wasn’t drinking, but instead felt sick after taking medication for a recent arm injury. British Airways confirmed there was an incident, though the airline would confirm neither its nature nor the individual involved. “A male passenger was denied boarding to flight BA279 Heathrow to Los Angeles as he was deemed to be unfit to travel,” a BA spokesman told Reuters/The Age. “He was reassessed by staff and was accepted for travel on a later flight.”

How would Kit feel? I guess you don’t need to be sober to drive a car that drives itself…

A couple of weeks ago, Sarah and I went to Pittsburgh for the weekend. Upon returning home, we realized that our Comcast (hereafter known as Comcrap) cable interent connection wasn’t working. So I do what all idiots who subscribe to Comcrap do, I called customer service to report the outage.

When I finally got someone on the phone (why do they make you type your phone number into the system if they are just going to ask for it again anyway????), they scheduled us for service on Wednesday (3 days away) from 9 am to 1 pm! So I said fine, and hung up.

Monday morning, I called them back to see if they had a better time. In fact they did!!! That day from 10 am to 2 pm. So after I had driven all the way from Germantown to Tysons Corner at 7 am, I got back in my car at 9:30 and sped home in case they actually showed up at 10 am. Well, 10 am, 11am, noon and 1pm all came and went, and no Comcrap technician. So I called back again and they promised that he was on his way. He finally showed up at 2 pm and then announced that the wires out back were bad and that he was surprised I was even getting TV. He was going to schedule matinence on the wires and that it would be done in a week.

Okay, fine… I understand that wires go bad sometimes, so I can live without internet for a week (well not really, but what choice do I have in the immediate present?). Well, a week has come and gone and as of yesterday, it still hadn’t been fixed. So I called back (am I a gluton for punishment or what?). They said that service had been delayed, but it was scheduled for today between 8 am and 8 pm (thankfully I didn’t need to be home at all).

In the meantime, I am looking for another interent service provider (the other choice is Verizon DSL and Verizon FIOS), but they can’t do the install for 2 weeks.

More to follow when I get home and see if the internet is working (i’m not holding my breath).!!!!

My nephew, Lansing, is playing in a baseball tournament down in Florida.

Look for this: “14:u (90) Div I 7/21/2006 Sarasota, FL” That is their bracket, Potomac Grays.

He was written up the other day in the Florida papers when their team beat one of the local teams:

Lansing Veeder was 2-for-3 with an RBI and a run scored for the Grays.

They forgot to mention that he pitched late in the game for the save, as well.

Side note: The team from South Carolina asked my brother if he would move so Lansing could play with their team.

There is a new artist on the landscape of American music, move over Taylor Hicks, U2 and the Rolling Stones because

P. FUNK IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!

P. Funk breaks onto the music scene with a enthusiastic and wild rendition of Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music”!!!!

No one is supposed to know…. but it looks like I made the final 11…. woo hoo, all those years as the NERFL commissioner has paid off….now, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is how to get people talking about your new TV show!

PASADENA, Calif., July 21 “Television is a terribly influential part of this country, and when things that are very mean-spirited and voyeuristic go on TV, I think it’s bad crack in the schoolyard,” Aaron Sorkin told a couple hundred thunderstruck critics at Summer TV Press Tour 2006 at the Ritz-Carlton Huntington.

[Dramatic pause.]

“Why did I use that word? — everything was fine!” the much-ballyhooed writer asked rhetorically while critics in the section of the ballroom known as Power-Strip Village began madly throwing the quote up on their blogs.

Think this quote was purely by accident? You might when Sorkin does this:

Which is why Sorkin was just wasting his breath when, a few minutes later, he offered every critic in the room a hundred bucks if they would not use the quote in coverage of the Q&A session to promote his new NBC series, “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” The show is a wicked send-up of an “SNL”-esque late-night series on a network that smells a lot like NBC.

And that is when it gets even better:

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You ever have one of those Monday mornings when you can’t get your brain out of first gear and then you sit in mindless meeting after mindless meeting and it feels like it’s 5:00pm and you look at the clock and it’s 11:00am? Ever had one of those days?

Well, I’m having one of those days right now….

So glad it’s Monday!

Headbutting does not help you acheive your goals. Just because one time Mommy didn’t close the bathroom door far enough and you were able to open it with your head does not mean all things can be accomplished this way. You cannot get out of your crib by hitting it with your head. You cannot get through the baby gate with your head. You cannot open the cabinet in Mommy’s office with your head. And so on, and soon on. All you get is a big bruise on your forehead.

Signed,
Mom who hates taking you out when you are all black and blue!

….without America’s Next Top Model?!?

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/07/17/your-daily-hoff

We all know that Jishman loves his football!

We know that Jishman loves his NY Jets!

We know that Jishman loves his BBQ!

We also know the Jets will stink again this year, we also know that Jishman will be aggravated and frustrated again this year, and we know that Jishman might be angry after each Jets game… so we, Jishman’s friends have come up with a solution.

The NY Jets BBQ set. This will allow Jishman to engage in a Sunday BBQ every Sunday and it will be the only time that the NY Jets will bring him happiness by making good food with his even better product…. his secret BBQ sauce (soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!!).

Then we decided to give Jishman a NY Jets Snack helmet. This way, while he enjoys Chips, etc during the game, at least the Jets will provide him comfort in another job well done… by of course, providing snacks not wins!

Finally, we decided that Jishman should get 16 inflatable 4 foot NY Jets players. This will provide us all with a lot of entertainment as Jishman beats the hell out of each Jets dude for the loss that the NY Jets will suffer every single Sunday. We decided to buy sixteen just in case the Jets lose all 16 games!!!

Welcome to the NFL season, Jishman, we hope this will help!

http://weirdtechnewshub.blogspot.com/2006/07/top-10-worst-url-flops.html

Read the urls and see what they really say.

I know this is going back all the way to November but I wish they had this when I was dating: The Lemon Law!

Now, if you are single and heading out this summer to have a good time, you should print up a copy or two of the Lemon Law Cards, just in case.

I apologize in advance to Kirsch because he may get a lot of these cards but here is how the Lemon Law works:

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