Riddle Me This, Jishman

Yes, yes, I know its early, however, as I might not be around later to say it, I want to wish everyone a happy and healthy new year with only good things to come as the ball drops on 2007.

So, as someone who has as much respect for the FCC as I do for lint, I feel like this is something I need to speak out against. Having had many dealings with the FCC when I worked at a college radio station, I find it amazing that we still see the same mistakes year in and year out. Now, by my own admission, I don’t like censorship of any kind. I believe it to be fascist and has no place in our society. The only things I hate more are 1.) vaguary when it comes to fine-able offenses and 2.) SUBSTANTIAL fines for poorly defined rules that react to the whims of the American public.

The FCC has a well known, yet ill-defined set of guidelines and standards for television broadcasts (as seen in the most recent episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and an even more famous George Carlin standup comedy bit), one which requires any broadcast to be aired before it will act. This seems counterintuitive and idiotic. Moreover, it seems like an agency dedicated less to “protecting the public” and more on lining its own pockets and validating its own existence. Censorship works both ways, Mr. Chairman. You can be a censor both before and after the fact, and if Ma and Pa Kent in Nebraska don’t like what FOX is putting out, well that’s okay, neither do I, but I don’t care that its on, I JUST CHANGE THE F-ING CHANNEL! Want to know how to get more agreeable programming on there? DON’T WATCH!!!!!

Now, onto item 2. As we all know, my opinions on the validity and reasonableness of the American Public are well known. They suck. They have no idea what valid, reasonable or any other word closely approximating it is. If you want to have fines, have fines, but then also define the scope of what can get a fine. If you don’t like something, expand the scope, but don’t leave it up to the whims of both the fickle public AND political appointees with no checks or balances before the COURTS. Its idiotic and it is a slap in the face of even the most well-intentioned people.

Just an update for those who have asked recently (click here for previous updates), I have completed Phase III; 2nd reading of my book. The third reading will happen at the same time as the shopping for an agent process begins.

For everyone who has been a part of the process or has sent words of encouragement along the way, thank you! Hopefully, in the New Year, we will finally get this project off the ground and into book stores.

Thank you all and if I don’t see or talk to you beforehand, Have a Happy New Year!

I had a video I tried to upload, but alas, I had to email it to Jishman…

Anyway, Happy Birthay, Josh!!! I hope you have a great one!!!

It’s been a long time, so let’s get started:

1) Here is my Christmas present to Zeke and the NY Knicks…. watch this! How long until Zeke trades 5 1st round picks for this guys rights?!

2) Of course, I don’t know who will call this bird first; Jishman for help with his putting/golf game or Zeke for help in teaching the knicks how to put the ball in the basket?

3) If you liked the routine “Who’s on First?” you are going to like this conversation between Condi Rice and President Bush about “Hu is in China?”

If you are not laughing after that last video….. well, you have no sense of humor…… have a great day!

If your team has been eliminated from the playoffs….. or if they are sucking wind and you want to root for a good team…..

IF you want to know what 5 simple questions can tell you about yourself; maybe you are rooting for the wrong team…… maybe you should switch teams now….

This is an awesome tool for the girlfriend/wife or the husband/boyfriend (not there there are any) that don’t watch or follow the NFL…… this tool is great to help you select a team to root for in the playoff race and the playoffs!

Jump on the NFL Playoff Bandwagon and find the perfect team for you! (if not well versed in hyperlinks, click on NFL playoffs)

5 Questions.
5 Answers.
1 Team For You!

Tell us which teams they picked for you in the comment section below!!!

Waterboy is extremely excited: Here comes Rocky Balboa!

Written and directed by Stallone, it smartly reprises the atmosphere of Hollywood’s yesteryear, when pug-ugly heroes played by Spencer Tracy, Robert Mitchum and Ernest Borgnine won audiences over with their burly souls. They had big chests, square mugs and they talked common sense — when they talked at all. They were sportswriters, wrestlers, gangsters and boxers. When they walked, change jingled in their pockets. They saw things simply. They were working class — or they came out of it. They were crude princes of the docks, the slums, the street and the screen.

and the final verdict?

A guy like this needs to fight. Then comes the opportunity to prove his mettle: an ESPN computer-simulated match that suggests the old-timer might give Mason a run for his money. Cue the crowds, the trash-talking, the early-morning workouts and that glorious walk to the ring. In Vegas. Ten rounds. Mano a mano. But it feels like the first fight all over again. And suddenly a silly little movie built entirely on classic hokum seems to matter. Not just because it’s one last roundhouse punch at the world of digital zeros and ones. Not just because it’s another underdog story. It matters because this boxer taps into something deeper in our collective souls than the desire for entertainment. It’s the hope that one day we’re going to win big, too, after everyone’s given up on us. It’s as hokey as it’s true.

Someone get Waterboy a ticket and a box of popcorn!!!!

Picking up on Jishman’s post from a couple of months ago, the totalitarian government of Massachusetts is at it again: Ban Trans Fat Statewide!

Back in October, Jishman wrote:

So a few weeks ago, I was at synagogue, and a friend relayed a story about a parent who couldn’t keep his kids from eating the Entenman’s doughnuts (mmm…coffee cake) and so therefore the group should not serve them. Yes, he actually suggested everyone else should lose out because he can’t keep his kids from eating them. That is how I feel about this. Basically, people lack control so the government needs to mandate it. Am I the only one who just doesn’t get this?!?! ……

Now, one might look at these last two items and think that I’m some crazy “horrible food eating” freak, and some times you’d be right, but on the other hand, in the last 12 months, I’ve lost over 40 pounds and dropped 2 pants sizes because of restraint and an increase in exercise. Oh, and by the way, all without GOVERNMENT MANDATES. If you can’t control yourself, you punish no one BUT yourself.

And before anyone brings this up, this is different from cigarettes. Second hand smoke hurts everyone around you. If you don’t want to eat trans fat, MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD OR EAT SALAD! Don’t make this out to be anything more than what it is, its a political issue because Transfats are in the news and the elections are coming soon. Politicians make me sick.

In the Boston Herald article:

But going trans fat-free is not easy or cheap, said Frank Guidara, CEO of Uno Chicago Grill.

“It’s not easy trying to get the mouth feel and the taste while taking trans fats out,” he said. “It’s not something you do overnight, and in the case of french fries, it’s pretty expensive.”

While Guidara voluntarily decided Uno would cut trans fats, he’s among those who believe it’s not something the government should mandate.

“Society can’t sue its way to good health and common sense, and that’s what’s happening,” he said. “People have to take responsibility.”

Do we see a theme here? PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, maybe…..

Let’s just say, I was not enthusiastic when the NY Giants braintrust hired Tom Cough-CHOKE-lin in the first place and passed on Lovie Smith. But let’s look at what the once 6-2 NY Giants have turned into while Lovie Smith’s Bears have gone to 12-2; the NY Giants are a 7-7 team!!!

So I was at reading the playoff scenarios at ESPN.com today and this is what I noticed:

• New York Giants can clinch playoff berth with:
1. A win, Minnesota loss or tie, Atlanta loss, Philadelphia win or tie and a Seattle win or tie.
Or
2. A win, Minnesota loss or tie, Atlanta loss, Philadelphia win or tie and a San Francisco win or tie.

So what does that mean, it means I have to root for:

a) the 7-7 Giants to beat the 9-5 New orleans Saints (possible)
b) the 6-8 Green Bay packers to beat the 6-8 Minnesota Vikings (unlikely) because Waterboy will use favre on his fantasy team again and score another (-3)
c) the 6-8 Panthers to beat the 7-7 Atlanta Falcons (probably won’t happen, but possible)
d) the 7-7 Philadelphia Eagles to beat the 9-5 Dallas Cowboys (won’t happen)
and finally

e1) The 8-6 Seahawks to beat the 12-2 Chargers (will never happen)

or

e2) The 6-8 49ers to beat the 4-10 Arizona Cardinals (could happen)

…….. I am so glad we went with Tom Cough-CHOKE-lin instead of Lovie Smith!!!! I mean, who wants to be 12-2 anyway?!

Three weeks ago, I posted my initial BIG BOARD for the 2007 NFL Draft.

This week, I am updating that Board.

(more…)

I have to thank Betsy for sending this to me…..

For those who need to start their week out on a great note, take a spin around the North pole at Santa’s Grotto….. you can type in your name or leave “Jishman”

Merry Christmas!!!

(for those who are not well versed on Hyper-links…. click on the words North pole at Santa’s Grotto)

I know its not the time of the week yet for a Dumbass of the Week, but J.P. Riccardi, General Manager of the Toronto Blue Jays, you’re the next contestant up on the “Dumbass of the Week.” I’m your host and RMTJ Sports Reporter, Sporty McHates-You, and this week we’re going to have players who can ensure that this year is going to be yet another Yankees-Red Sox run-off in the American League East. We have Peter Angelos, Owner of the Baltimore Orioles. To his right, we have Stuart Sternberg, owner of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. And of course, as always, we have George Steinbrenner and Theo Epstein here representing the Yankees and Red Sox, respectivey.

Now, Mr. Riccardi, I want to thank you very much for being here. Have you considered taking up motivational speaking? No? Well you should. You have inspired all of us to heights we only dreamed about before. What do I mean? Well, consider these quotes for a moment:

“How can you not be happy? Like I said, my family comes first. Obviously this gives me an opportunity to set my family up for a couple of generations. That’s the biggest part of this thing.”

Oh, well sure, you might think his next line would take that back and say he wants to win it all, right?

Wells said the contract doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll retire a Blue Jay.

“It all depends on where my career is,” he said.”

That’s right, J.P. This is YOUR new resignee, your old Centerfielder who you just gave the equivilent of an entire ISLAND of money to! This is a guy who can now swim, like Scrooge McDuck, in more money than Mr. Steinbrenner used to make toilet paper out of (nothing personal, G.S.). That’s right, here he is….MR. VERNON WELLS! (DOO DOO DOOODOOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO).

But just in case you thought this was a TOTALLY unreasonable contract, here’s the breakdown:

Wells is due $5.6 million next season in the final year of his old contract. The extension calls for a $25.5 million signing bonus, payable in three $8.5 million installments each March 1 in 2008, 2009 and 2010. He will receive a salary of just $500,000 in 2008 and $1.5 million in 2009, but his salary jumps to $12.5 million in 2010 and $23 million in 2011. Wells receives $21 million in each of the final three seasons.

Under the extension, Wells has the right to terminate his agreement after the 2011 season and become eligible for free agency.

He gets a full no-trade clause and could earn bonuses of $250,000 for MVP, $200,000 for World Series MVP, $150,000 for league championship series MVP and $100,000 for receiving the most votes in his league in All-Star game balloting.

In addition, he will donate $143,000 annually to the Jays Care Foundation.

Oh, well then he’s totally not a bad guy. I’m sure it justified getting paid with the likes of:
Alex Rodriguez ($252 million) — two time MVP,
Derek Jeter ($189 million) — how many rings does he have?,
Manny Ramirez ($160 million) — alright, he’s a lunatic, I don’t know why the Red Sox did this, do you Mr. Epstein?,
Todd Helton ($141.5 million) — is he even still playing?
Alfonso Soriano ($136 million) — yeah, I take it back, Wells does deserve to be on this list.

It is the 13th $100 million deal in baseball history and the third of the offseason, following those of Soriano with the Cubs and Carlos Lee ($100 million) with Houston.

Nothing quite like paying out after a contract year, I always say.

So, according to the Bizarre Food Holiday Calendar, today is Chocolate Covered Anything Day, so feel free to give your “sweetie” (as Rachael Ray would say — and seriously, is there anyone more annoying??) something chocolate covered. Personally, I choose Strawberries, but then again, that’s the only way I’ll eat them. You can also send a card from All-Yours.net. Its entirely up to you.

Oh, and should you be looking for other weird Candy Holidays, here you go. Have a good weekend!

I love cheese. I’m not sure you knew that about me. I nearly love them all. Cheddar, American, Monterey Jack, Gouda, love them. Really, the only ones I’m not huge fans of are Swiss, Swiss-like cheeses (Jarlesberg, etc.), and except when its in dressing, Bleu cheese. For me, Swiss cheeses are funky flavors, and I just don’t like them. With Bleu cheeses (and other moldy cheeses), I find them too smelly. Really, they exceed even the funkiest of flavors.

So, inspired by Alton Brown’s Say Cheese! Episode and having a ton of cheese from a study session I had the other night, I went to work. (more…)

So, my old CE(n)O IM-ed me the other day. Even though I had no interest in reading his last article, he felt this overwhelming need to let me know about his new article in Moment magazine. (EDITOR’S NOTE: For those of you who know nothing about Moment magazine, let me warn you not to pick any magazine that has HIM as a columnist)

But, moving on, I told him I had seen the last article (not read, mind you, as I still think he is Satan’s right hand) about him and that I thought it cast HIM in a very good light.

He said, “you think?”

I said, “yes, but it cast the organization that you started and then dropped (like a bad girlfriend) in a horrible light and that would not go over well with the funders that you convinced to fund it.”

He didn’t respond after that, and I can’t really say I’m all that upset about it.

Let me just further go on to say, never work for this man if you wish to retain your soul in any way. If you’ve already given your soul up, whether it be for Lent or because you’ve already worked for Microsoft, then that’s fine. You can find him in Israel or Newton, depending on the time of year.

(Remind me to tell you all the story about him buying his second suit of his lifetime. No, seriously, this is a good story about a 42 year old who has only purchased one suit. I know it sounds pathetic, but…well, yeah, it kinda is. I take it back. Don’t let me tell you this story.)