Riddle Me This, Jishman

So, in a fit of madness (or peer pressure), I agreed to join my b-school’s intramural basketball team. I must have been dumb, drunk, stupid, drunk, stoned, or just plain drunk to have said yes, but there I was, standing at practice yesterday (yes, we do have practices — mock away) waiting for a 2-on-2 to start.

Now, for those of you not around back then, the last time I played basketball competitively was back during the first Johnson administration (Andrew not Lyndon Baines). So, I was definitely going to need a little while to get back into the swing of things. But, like riding a bike or nuclear warfare, it all came back to me, and we had a good time. One and a half hours of pure enjoyment. So much so that when I got home I felt invigorated and exhausted at the same time. But I was tickled by some of the comments made by my teammates. Let’s see if we can translate them, shall we?

“You get good leverage” — you’ve got a big a$$
“You box out well” — a SERIOUSLY big a$$
“You pass well” — don’t even consider shooting, even if you’re wide open
“You play good defense” — which is good because your offense stinks
“When was the last time you played?” — Because it shows.
“What made you give it up?” — was it that you suck?
“What position did you play?” — did it require that ginormous a$$ of yours?
“You should play down low” — Because we can hide you better there

And so on. Undeterred though, I limped home, pondering how I could take my 5′9″ frame, and make it seem more threatening. I drew inspiration from Nate “Tiny” Archibald, Tyrone “Mugsy” Bogues, and Anthony James “Spud” Webb, but realized none of these names really gave off the desired effect. And I couldn’t go with names like “Shorty”, “Slim” (see above), or “Ace,” same reasons.

Then it hit me while I was walking out of Production Management today. BARKLEY! That’s what I needed. I needed to be more like one of the shortest Power Forwards in NBA history. So, from here on out, I’m going to be nicknamed: (more…)

So, Super Fans of RMTJ, who do we think will win this week’s Super Bowl? Could it be….

Da Bears?

1.) JetBlue is officially my favorite airline EVER!!!!!

2.) The truth will do it every time.

3.) I hate 1-800-Flowers. Along the same lines as my hatred of Jim from BuyDomains.com, I would welcome everyone to NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM 1-800-Flowers again!!!!! They have screwed me for the last time! That is all for now. Just remember, BOYCOTT 1-800-Flowers!!!!! I hate them. FUD!

1.) There is truly nothing that pisses me off more than having Monday morning meetings at 9am, with people who don’t show up until 9:45 at the earliest. And even those who call, don’t bother calling until 9:30. ARGH!!!

2.) Greatest Cell phone to come out in years, and Verizon — aka my cell provider — passes on it? Further fueling my anger! I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT TWO!!!! FUD!

3.) There’s a Chips Ahoy cookie commercial mimicking the old California Raisins commercial, with the cookies singing “Don’t you want me baby.” Advertisers should be like lawyers in Shakespeare playes, dead. All of them. (I’m watching it now.)

4.) Estimated cost at beginning of project (2005): $800 million
Estimated cost now: $1.4 BILLION
And who said that construction costs have a way of escalating fast?

5.) MBA programs putting their lectures on iTunes: Wharton, Duke, Stanford, U of Chicago. Works for me!

6.) And Verizon follows AT&T’s Unity plan. I like it. I called it. I’m very in favor, as I have all of their services, short of FiOS.

7.) And now, my personal favorite:

Brandeis University hosted former President Carter yesterday in a speech designed to promote his new book and refute some of the attacks leveled against him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t read the book and push no political agenda here, I’m just happy Brandeis was able to be the host. For far too long, my alma mater, a self-declared hotbed of political protest in the 60s and 70s, has been mired in apathy and frustration. I hope, in addition to President Carter, Thomas Friedman (NY Times columnist and author), Dennis Ross (former envoy to the Middle East), Mayor/Judge/TV personality Edward Koch, and Ann Richards (dearly departed), more public figures use Brandeis as a speaking ground.

Do the Knicks even count for the DotW awards? Or should I just crown them DotW royalty along with TO (he of the “Throwing Parcells Under The Bus” comments), K-Fed, and Paris Hilton (speaking of which, how long before she’s dating K-Fed? I give it 6 months)?

Speaking of TO, here are just a few of his quotes:

“This past year was a big letdown. On paper we were as good as anybody we played against every week. The end result didn’t show that. Our play was not indicative of what we could have done. What we should have done. Hopefully, the owner will hire a coach to take the team to the next level.”

“Coming into this season and this situation, I wanted to be positive,” Owens said. “When I talked to him for the first time we left an impression on each other. I still think he is a great guy. But he is like my grandmother. You love the person, but they are stuck in their old-school ways. You can’t move them from their way of thought.”

Of course, Owens makes no mention of his own shortcomings, like his penchant for dropping passes or his unprecedented level of off-field distractions. But that’s typical T.O. for you. Regardless of the situation, if it doesn’t turn out the way Owens wants it to, he points fingers… and never at himself.

Ah…and so the DotWs return.

Further proof that Hockey isn’t a real sport:

Can anyone please tell me when the NHL All-Star game is? Anyone? Anyone?

Yeah, tonight is the All-Star game on the network formerly known as a Greek symbol, and before that, known as OLN, VERSUS! 8pm! You pay for the whole seat…aw, who cares?

Seriously, does anyone still watch hockey? My cousin wanted me to go to a game, but then stopped herself when she remembered who she was talking to. The funny thing is that I don’t hate hockey, I think its impressive, but how can I take it seriously after the lockout/strike from 2 years ago. Sure, basketball and baseball had strikes, and suffered in popularity for a few years, but basketball — by far the third most popular sport in America, behind baseball and football — recovered and even with their marquee franchises in LA and NY suffering some PR gaffs in the last few years, the NBA has its highest TV and attendence in years.

I’m sure the NHL all-star game will be just as interesting as it always is to people who care, but I guess I just think the NHL will be mired behind the MLS pretty soon. Who knows.

Family dramas writ large are nothing new to the American entertainment industry, but to one of the defining families to NASCAR, it just never seems to stop.

First, we have Dale Earnhardt possibly leaving the eponymous company (Dale Earnhardt Inc.) he’s been a part of since its inception. Then, we have Kevin Harvick basically calling out Theresa Earnhardt (who, our fearless readers may remember is the owner/operator of DEI these days after the death of the patriarch of NASCAR racing, Dale Earnhardt Sr. back in 2001), calling her a “deadbeat owner that doesn’t come to the racetrack.”

Now because this is basically a “hick” high school melodrama unfolding before our eyes, Dale Earnhardt, who probably didn’t send his “step monster” any Christmas cards this past December, had to defend her before the descending hoards of reporters waiting to chew on her barely cold-as-ice body. And defend he would, I mean, look at this unequivocal response. I think it says it all for itself:

“You’re killing me,” Junior grumbled. “That’s ridiculous. I don’t think there is a comment for that remark.”

Um…yeah. This is almost as good as that time that Dylan had to choose between Brenda or Kelly. I mean, who’s with me!?

Tony Kornheiser is coming back to your radio (if you live in the Washington, DC area). According to the Washington Post, he has just finalized an agreement to do a show on Washington Post Radio (1500 am, 107.7 fm) from 8:30 to 10:30 am.

There is a listen live button the Washington Post Radio website if you are interested in catching his show starting February 20.

Starbury is on Wikipedia. Not Stephan Marbury. STARBURY!!!! Kill me now.

Bill Madden of the New York Daily News reports on the salaries of the baseball managers.

Joe Torre, NYY $7.5 million
Lou Piniella, CHC $3.5 million
Bobby Cox, ATL $3 million
Tony La Russa, STL $2.8 million
Mike Scioscia, LAA $2 million
Jim Leyland, DET $2 million
Bruce Bochy, SF $1.75 million
Terry Francona, BOS $1.65 million
Phil Garner, HOU $1.5 million
Mike Hargrove, SEA $1.3 million
Ron Gardenhire, MIN $1.25 million
Ozzie Guillen, CHW $1.1 million
Eric Wedge, CLE $1.025 million
Jim Tracy, PIT $1 million
Bob Melvin, ARI $875,000
Buddy Bell, KC $825,000
Ned Yost, MIL $825,000
Clint Hurdle, COL $800,000
Charlie Manuel, PHI $800,000
Willie Randolph, NYM $700,000
Jerry Narron, CIN $600,000
Grady Little, LAD $600,000
Sammy Perlozzo, BAL $600,000
Ron Washington, TEX $600,000
Joe Maddon, TAM $550,000
John Gibbons, TOR $500,000
Manny Acta, WAS $500,000
Bob Geren, OAK $500,000

I understand Joe Torre making more than anyone else, but he is leaps and bounds above everyone. I was also surprised that Willie Randoph only makes $700,000 in NY. I thought he would make more.

USA Today is reporting that Chicago and Los Angeles are the finalists that the USOC will choose from in a bid to bring the 2016 Olympics back to the U.S.

By Roger Yu, USA TODAY
CHICAGO
Airport used in Olympics bid

The city of Chicago is using the worldwide exposure that O’Hare gives it to promote its bid for the Olympics in 2016.

Huge displays, unveiled last week in the international terminal, depict a pole vaulter, a diver and a gymnast in competition.

The United States Olympic Committee will name Chicago or Los Angeles as the U.S. entry in the site competition. The International Olympic Committee is expected to announce a site in 2009.

About 76 million passengers a year pass through O’Hare, one of the world’s busiest airports.

With this information, should we be in favor of the U.S. hosting another Olympics or are we as a country uniterested in Olympic sports anymore?

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So, now that Johnathan Joseph has been charged with marijuana possesion, this makes, what, nine Bengals to have trouble with the law?

Player Pos. Charges
Johnathan Joseph CB Possession of marijuana
Deltha O’Neal CB Driving while intoxicated
Reggie McNeal WR Resisting arrest
Matthias Askew DT Resisting arrest
Eric Steinbach G Boating under the influence
Chris Henry WR Too many to mention
Frostee Rucker DE Spousal battery
A.J. Nicholson LB Burglary, grand theft
Odell Thurman LB Driving while intoxicated

Interestingly, this looks alot like D12’s transgressions too. Seriously, this team could field a baseball team of thugs. The BLACK SOX weren’t as bad as these guys.

I thought Marvin Lewis, a coach who was considered the classiest coach in the NFL, was supposed to turn around the Bungals?

Wife induces so husband can go to Chicago Bears game. I don’t know who’s the bigger dumbass here. I’ll leave it to the philosophers.

It is that time of year again, why wait two weeks for the Super Bowl when the initial Mock Draft is ready now?

Taking a hard look at players in this year’s draft and team needs, I give you Mock Draft 1! Please realize that this is the current draft order and that after the playoffs conclude, Super Bowl teams will be #31 and #32. Plus #3 and #4 have to be decided by a coin flip.

MOCK DRAFT 1

1. Oakland Raiders: JaMarcus Russell, QB, LSU

Russell or Brady? The debate begins. It will be one of these guys and right now, I would guess that it will be Russell. If the Raiders can find someone to trade this pick with, do it. The Raiders are better off taking a lopsided deal that doesn’t favor them early in an effort to acquire as many picks as possible. This team is a mess and unfortunately for them, one pick won’t make them better.

2. Detroit Lions: Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin

Matt Millen and the Lions organization would be the laughing stock of the NFL if they took Calvin Johnson. It would be ballsy and hysterical; not to mention absolutely idiotic. The Lions have a young quarterback named Dan Orlovsky. Had he played anywhere but at UCONN, he probably would have been a first round pick. The Lions got him and they will use him and Thomas will go a long way to protect him!

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