Riddle Me This, Jishman

Just When you thought the political campaign of 2008 couldn’t get any crazier it does:

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Now, if you know me, you know I love brutal death metal. There is nothing I enjoy more at the end of a hard day than sitting down and listening to the soaring melodies of bands with such names as “Suffocation,” “Aborted” or “Dying Fetus.” Of course, “Prostitute Disfigurement” was one of my favorites. By just looking at this Netherlands-based band’s MySpace Page, you can only imagine the number of bats they sacrificed in the last week or so.

Well, thank god Avi McHates-You, our Brutal Death Metal expert (I think he still has a Dokken LP somewhere in the basement), came to us with this one. This list would be the top artists tagged as “Brutal Death Metal,” and surprisingly many of which I did not recognize. But luckily for me, I did recognize number one, with a bullet.

PARIS HILTON!!!!

No, seriously, apparently people didn’t like some of the pleasant singles off her album, like: “I want you,” “Not leaving without you,” and the award losing collaboration she did with Fat Joe and Jadakiss (who the F@#$ is that?!!?), “Fightin’ over me.” If you look later down the list, you’ll see RMTJ Dumbass of the Week winners Lindsey Lohan and Microsoft. Now, I know that having MSFT on the list does pull down the believability of this kind of thing, but seriously?

Now, if you’re looking for a basic wikipedia understanding of Brutal Death Metal and how it compares to other soaring melodies like Melodic Death Metal, you can check out those links. Thank god for Wikipedia.

Two of our roving reporters bring us new info. I had to break into our regular coverage for these two bits of info.

Number One: Tami McHates-You, our Detroit Blood reporter (or is she one of the Cribs, I never remember), she wants to let us know “three year olds create a lot of laundry.” Well, thank god we found that out.

Number Two: Professor Plum McHates-You, PhD., our Blogging Scholar in Residence, wanted to let us know that apparently Clue is going to be updated for a new generation. Say goodbye to some of your favorite and beloved characters. They will be gone but not forgotten.

The six characters’ last names remain the same, but their first names and bios have been updated. For example, Miss Scarlet is now Kasandra Scarlet, a famous actress often featured in tabloids. And Mr. Green is now Jacob Green, an African-American “with all the ins.” Colonel Mustard is now Jack Mustard, a former football player. The professor? Now Victor Plum, a billionaire video game designer.

And new rooms will include a spa, theatre and guest house. Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines! No, seriously, I’m totally getting this when it comes out. We used to have Clue the VCR game as well as the original Clue. Man did I love that game…

I love this open letter to Brett Favre … hahahahaha… kudos, Mr. Gallo!

If you’re going to ask us to log into your website to see things that you’re not showing on TV in favor of handball or rhythmic gymnastics, all I’d ask is that you ACTUALLY allow us to see it. Tonight, Tim Morehouse’s match was actually shown on NBCOlympics.com, and yet….we never once actually got to see a point. NOT ONCE! There were over 30 points played, and NOT ONE did we actually see. Now, I’ve run a website before. I know its not the simplest thing in the world to do, but come on! You’ve got millions of people that you’re promoting this to! Did you do no stress testing? Did you consider that this MIGHT happen?!?! AND, you make us install Microsoft software that, if you don’t have a PC, you’re out of luck!

Thus, I reiterate, I hate you, NBC. Thanks for nothing and ruining what would have been a perfect opportunity to celebrate an international moment.

Check out this commercial from Coca-Cola. It plays on the Beijing National Stadium or “Birds Nest”

Clever, very clever.

So, I probably have had about 20 emails come into my email box over the last 36 hours, and as I go over the stats and analysis, I can’t help but be one of those psychotic fans who is ecstatic about the new addition. Even though it feels as though he’s not as eager about his arrival as “Fireman Ed” is, but I’m willing to allow, considering the last 72 hours, his lackluster excitement. That having been said, there’s no question Favre has helped the Jets organization (arguably) “win” the off-season. They signed starters at OLB, NT, OG, & RT, as well as quality depth/potential starters at TE, CB and OLB. This was as huge an off-season as the 2000 one was as well. But looking at this specific trade, its pretty clear who the biggest winners and losers are (the Jets and Packers, respectively), but now let’s look at who else there is.

Winners:
1.) the Jets - of course they are the biggest winner. I like what Favre brings besides a cannon for an arm and experience in the West Coast systems. What he really brings is experience and a lot to teach. If Kellen Clemmens isn’t the future, then maybe its Eric Ainge or Brett Ratliff (and based upon last night, it might be Ratliff more than Ainge or Clemmens). A middling group of receivers now become more dangerous because Favre makes them better, but I think where Favre’s real effect will be with the running game. He will make Jones and Washington that much more effective.

2.) Aaron Rodgers - No one player is a bigger winner than Aaron Rodgers. He is the starter in Green Bay, and there is no question. Green Bay management clearly thought he was ready, now its just up to him, with no other challenger to add undue pressure. That being said, he could quickly move to the other category if he’s not able to stay ahead of the curve.

3.) Kellen Clemmens - see Aaron Rodgers, but he is now the number two in New York. His pressure is just to carry Favre’s bags for two years and not screw up too badly if he ever gets the chance. He’s not atrocious, but he clearly is not ready yet. The only real question is will he ever be ready? For now, though, he’s a winner on my list.

4.) Mike Tannenbaum/Eric Mangini - They went 4-12 and still were able to sell Favre on the idea that playing in NJ is a good thing? You have to say they are on the hot seat for NEXT season, but for right now, they are big time winners.

As for our losers:
1.) Chad Pennington - I know, this is a debatable point, but of all the people/teams who got screwed this off-season, Mr. Pennington, you are tops on this list. Two years ago, you were the NFL’s Comeback Player of the Year. You were going to make $6 million a year. You had no pressure on you to be an All-Pro. You were the smartest player to play the game, and you did more with less than any other QB in the NFL, and that was including Trent Dilfer! Now, you’ve been given your walking papers, and there is very little question that there are only a limited number of places where you can go. Miami, Green Bay, Minnesota, Chicago, Tampa Bay (seriously, how many QBs are on TB’s roster now? 5? 6?) and Baltimore are the only places remotely likely to discuss signing you, and frankly, only TB is likely to win its division. Minnesota is definitely a good team with a killer running game, plus they play in a dome 9 times a year, so that can’t be bad for your dead duck of an arm. Bill Parcells is incredibly loyal to his guys, so Miami might be a place for you too, but you’re not going to win there for at least another two years.

2.) Green Bay Management/Ted Thompson and Mark Murphy - You let a guaranteed, first ballot Hall of Famer walk out the door and all you get back is a guarantee of a 4th rounder? Miami got a 2nd and a 6th for Jason Taylor. The Giants got a 2nd and a 5th for Jeremy Shockey. SHOCKEY!?!?!?!? No, I’m sorry to say, the Packers bit down hard on this one. Yes, based upon his history, Brett Favre is pretty much guaranteed to play 70% of snaps, so they’re most likely to get a 3rd rounder. However, let’s be honest, the Jets were by far the 3rd best team in their division, and now are most likely the 2nd best (at best) team in the division with a team that went 18-1 last season (including going to the Super Bowl - which they lost! HAHAHAH! ahem…. but I digress). No, Green Bay management, I’m sorry. You got screwed. Slugfest commented on this earlier in the week, and at this point, I couldn’t agree more.

Ultimately, however, this deal will only matter if the Jets make it to the playoffs or even the Super Bowl. Otherwise, it will just be another season of unfulfilled promise.

That’s right, folks, with the start tomorrow of the PGA Championship, and more importantly, with a PGA tournament that is SANS Tiga Tiga Woods y’all, Waterboy and I have been forced to yet again go with our unimpressive over-under steak bet. Thus, I present to you, for one steak, the PGA Championship bet!

The bet:
-7 or “better” (-8, -9, etc.) - Jishman (the ultimate victor!)
-6 or “worse” (-5, -4, et al) - Waterboy (the perennial loser)

Oh, and for those keeping track, I owe him one steak now (based upon that PATHETIC “recall” vote from the US Open - seriously! You guys couldn’t have gone below par during regular play?!?!?), so when I am victorious (as I inevitably will be), this will be the latest I am tied with Waterboy in the history of our bets (or what I have taken to calling “the enlightened era”). Go me!

“Shuffle shame” is when your mp3 music player is playing on speakers in shuffle mode, and somebody enters the room at the exact moment the worst song of your collection is being played.

So, this got me thinking, what is the most embarrassing song in my collection?

In my case, unfortunately, there probably are a few options:
1.) Hillary Duff - So Yesterday (it was bought on my machine, but not the worst)
2.) Debbie Gibson - Lost in your Eyes
3.) When I’m with you - Sherriff (not quite there yet)
4.) Home sweet Home - Motley Crue

Yup, that’s right. Motley Crue is my most embarrassing song of that whole group. And trust me, Winger’s Seventeen probably would have been number 5 on this list.

So, what have you got?