For the love of God, its 7am, all I want is news in the morning. I don’t want human interest stories. Just. please. give. me. news. Here is what we have this morning:
ABC: Cat stuck in tree
NBC: Dog chasing cat stuck in tree (they always were better about getting to the bottom of things than ABC.)
CBS: Cast of CSI: Scottsdale
Fox: who am I kidding, they don’t do news?
CNN: Why everyone who doesn’t agree with Ted Turner is wrong.
Fox News: Why all Liberals are wrong.
CNBC: Deal or No Deal
MSNBC: Thing 1, Thing 2, Joe Scarborough and Pat Buchannan.
NEWS!!! That’s all I want! (I feel like an 80s song)
You can see it right here…for the low-low price of one lap dance from either the 16 year old who got married….or her 33 year old mother. Scary to think I’m nearly old enough to have a 16 year old daughter. Did I mention the total wedding cost a paltry $200,000? If I didn’t…there, I said it. Oh, and here’s another winner from the article:
Girls as young as nine showed off bikini tops, high heels and make-up.
Yeah…nuff said. Thanks to Sailor Moon McHates-You for bringing this to our attention.
Your New York Knickerbockers won their first game last night. This is the first time they’ve won a season’s opener since the late Truman administration! Do not change the channel. This is not a test. These Knicks are going to be so good some high school teams are going to be afraid of them. The world champion…(who won last year, again? oh right!)…Celtics are even nervous! So much so that Kevin Garnett slammed his head into the backboard (alright, he mistimed a jump, but whatever!) he was so nervous. Canadian soccer team star, Steve Nash, said, “the Knicks are a team to be reckoned with.” (I have no idea if he said that, but if so, more power to me!) No one is as dominant as this team. Let’s look at the numbers:
1.) They are the NBA’s leading scoring team (after one game).
2.) They had the NBA’s leading scorer - Jamal Crawford (I think I made that one up)
3.) Second leading rebounding team (sure, when you score 120 points, imagine how many you left on the table)
4.) Highest 3-point percentage - at 39% (That’s like one off from 40%)
5.) This team is so good, they didn’t even play their two highest paid players - Starburry and Eddie Curry’s Heart.
This team is destined for dominance - Who’s with me!?!
(Editor’s Note: Jishman is on crack this morning. He sniffed ginger last night and it seems to be affecting his brain.)
The other day, I caught an article that talked about “sushi bullies” - these are sushi chefs who refuse to take an order, allow you to modify your food even with a little soy sauce - basically, they’re like the soup nazis only with less exposure on TV. Take these lines from the beginning of the article:
“Don’t try to order — the chef will decide what you eat. Use extra soy sauce at your own risk. And don’t ask for a California roll. You might get kicked out….You have entered the domain of the sushi bullies — top sushi chefs who serve only what they want, how they want it and to whom they want. Their rules are often posted on signs throughout their restaurants. Some chefs are notorious for ejecting patrons who annoy them.”
Now, I am all in favor of eating what you’re served, in fact, I remember that being a rule in my house growing up, but it might be a little ridiculous to spend $120 and not enjoy half of what you eat. Moreover, some sushi chefs - while good - are trying to take up fish-related causes (ie making sure to get fish that is not endangered). Time Out New York ran an article on what fish you might want to look for or ask about on your next sushi trip.
Oh, and in case any one goes to the new Oishii Sushi bar in the South End of Boston, please give Ting my best. Tell him “Jishman says hi.” He’ll know who it is. I practically kept him in business my last year in Boston.
1.) First of all, how lazy were those people that they can’t have TWO jars?
2.) Second, green ketchup? Is that for the same people who like fried green tomatoes?!?!?
3.) Finally, purple tomatoes - this is for people who don’t like the color red in their food? Or if its got a compound that is found higher in certain foods then, how about this, eat those other foods instead of maxing one “Frankenfood”? I’m all for curing cancer, and I’m all for mutant strain foods or genetically modified organisms, but how long before these mutant foods form a group of mutant foods - the X-Foods - and start trying to subversively save the world?
I need the help of the RMTJ readers to settle a debate. You all know that I hate “fees and charges” but putting aside the tongue and cheek for a moment, I have a new dilemna on my hands.
Whenever I order food, the restaurant tacks on a $1.50 or $2.00 as a delivery charge. I used to tip on delivered food at ten percent plus the change (ie: $33.50 meant a tip of $3.50) but now that everyone charges a delivery charge, what do I tip?
If I tip on the total cost (ie: $33.50, plus $3.50, plus $1.50), I am now paying a $5 tip or 15%. But if I tip the additional amount over the delivery charge (ie: $33.50, plus $1.50 delivery charge, plus $2 tip), I still pay the same $3.50 that I intially paid prior to the inclusion of delivery charges.
So please let me know what you think… I am in a quandry over this one…
So, we know what kind of power Oprah has in terms of paper books - hard back or soft cover - but I wonder what kind of power she’ll have over e-Books. For those of us who haven’t quite gotten on board yet, a year and a half or so ago, Amazon released something called the “Kindle.” It holds a small hard drive, where, when connected to a computer or a wireless network, can digitally download books, magazines, blogs, or any programming available that you have either bought or subscribed to. Sony has a similar item, which according to friends of mine has fewer features, but is just as functional (who needs wifi anyway!).
Sales of the Kindle and Sony ebook readers have thus far been lackluster, although, it is not surprising. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of carrying around a digital device instead of physical books. Books have a certain texture to them. To some people, they represent the past and the one piece of our lives that the digital revolution can’t take away. The Kindle represents Star Trek to them, and they don’t want that.
I’m not sure I agree with that last piece, but I do know that a $300 plus cost of books device isn’t quite in my price range yet. I am still having trouble buying a new iPod for a lot less. And I’d use the iPod a bit more right now. I like the idea of the ebook reader. in fact, if the major comic book publishers would come on board, I’d buy fewer comics in paper form and just get them through the ebook sites - in fact, maybe they should because that’s how more comics will be sold. Who knows. But until economies of scale are reached, this will be a niche product in a niche market…but I do love the idea of a Star Trek universe coming to a home near you.
Yup, that number is huge, and not even what you think it is. It represents the amount that AT&T has to be Apple for one quarter’s worth of iPhone sales. Nine. Hundred. Million. Dollars. (it helps if you say it with your pinky to the corner of your mouth). And that was just for the 2.4 million iPhones sold during the last 3-4 months. Imagine what it will be when Niner and Bram McSues-You buy it. So much higher!
I really didn’t have much of a point here, other than to say:
“Dear Apple, please release this glorious device for Verizon Wireless so I, and all my family members who are currently using it, can enjoy the wonder that is…the iPhone! Thank you. Sincerely, Jishman.”
And with that comes my annual griping about those damn schools who have not gotten on the Common Application. For those of you who graduated college more than 5 years ago, let me update you - The Common Application is ONE undergraduate application that is accepted to more that 350 colleges. Including Harvard and Yale. So here’s the griping: The following schools need to suck it up and use the common app, because either they ask the same freaking questions as the common app in a different order OR they want you answer specific questions about the kid, rather than attach a really well written letter that was proofread by terp20. Have you seen my handwriting? It’s bad. The letter would be easier on their eyes.
UPenn: You really think you’re so much better then Harvard and Yale that you need your own app? I think not. I am not answering all those questions on your form when I address them in my nicely typed letter.
Univ. of Maryland: *sigh*
MIT: see UPenn
I’m sure there are others, but that’s all I have based on the recommendations I am doing for kids applying early decision somewhere.
FYI, I don’t mind writing the letters. They’re good kids and they’ll all get in to good colleges. And thank you to the kids who kicked in the extra pennies for the self sealing envelopes. I appreciate not having to lick 12 envelopes for you.
That’s right, folks, Avi McHates-You, our conspiracy theorist at-large, reports to us that there has been a mad rash of cow abductions. Apparently, martians really DO like cows, and our gentle mocking has been taken the wrong way. Well, hopefully they take the ones from New Jersey, so we can put up more shopping malls and housing developments.
For everyone who remembers last year’s “Damn it feels good to be a banker,” well, now its not the SEC you have to worry about, its this blogger. That’s right, this 26 year old Columbo here is going to find you out! In fact, he has written a whole book mocking those suit wearing, slick haired Bud Fox’s (from the movie Wall Street, in case you’ve never seen it). Though, before you think this mini-Serpico doesn’t have a heart about the industry he supposedly mocks:
“Basically, I’m making fun of a class of people who most of the world still hates, but it’s just not the same to kick them when they’re down,” he said.
Oh no, Sir! I disagree! And as Snarky McHates-You would say, “kick them while they’e down? Of course, that keeps them from getting up again! Just look at Britney!”
Many of you know how proud I am of my alma mater. I had a lot of great experiences and met many of my closest friends, including my wife, Mrs. Jishman, there. Today marks the 60th anniversary of the founding of Brandeis University, and I’m more than a little bit proud of that fact. I wanted to share a few fun facts with our reading population, some of whom may not know these.
1.) Brandeis was the first, non-sectarian, Jewish sponsored university, but not the first university entity with the name Brandeis on it. The first institution with Louis D. Brandeis’s name on it was an upper west side high school named in his honor.
2.) There are more books written about Louis Brandeis, the Supreme Court Justice, than any other Associate Justice in the history of the United States.
3.) Brandeis has three chapels neighboring each other on Chapel’s Field. Regardless of the positioning of the sun, no chapel’s shadow will ever touch even the base stone of any of the others. Rumor has it, this was to signify that no religion was superior to any other on campus.
4.) WBRS was the first student run, community member participation encouraged radio station in Massachusetts. No non-students/alumni were allowed to run this station. It has no advisor nor staff oversight. (I’m rather proud of that fact.)
5.) In the 90’s sitcom Ned and Stacey, Stacey has a degree from Brandeis University. Debra Messing, who played Stacey, is a Brandeis alumna (1990). (Interesting sidenote, many people believe my sister, Jish-sis, looks like Debra Messing and thus nicknamed her Grace. This nickname did not stick for a variety of reasons.)
6.) Many celebrities have been linked to Brandeis for a variety of reasons: Alicia Silverstone, Woody Allen, Charlton Heston, Thomas Friedman, Robert Reich, Anita Hill, Ann Richards, Alan Greenspan, Shimon Peres, Mitch Albom, the creators of Friends, Boutros Boutros Ghali, and Abby Hoffman to name a few.
7.) Brandeis recently tore down the (now dearly departed) Ford Hall. Does your campus have a building that was taken over by 16 guys trying to prove a point during the 60s? I don’t think so.
8.) There’s a NASA research facility in the basement of the humanities quad. (Not sure if that one’s real.)
So, there’s a few things I am particularly amused and touched by. If anyone else has any, feel free to drop them here too.
