Riddle Me This, Jishman

I have to give my parents credit for sending along this one…. Enjoy it!

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

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So, there have been many discussions about my oft-linebacker look. I say it’s the hair, but my good friend, Jim, from San Francisco, claims that I represent a cross between these two gentlemen. Let’s see if you can find the similarity. I personally think it comes down to one of the following four features. Feel free to post your thoughts:

Ted “Neck” Johnson, former linebacker for the New England Patriots:

The Hulk, aka Lou Ferrigno:

Yours Truly:

I don’t care how bad the most recent Star Wars movies were. I don’t care that George Lucas stole my childhood from me in the most heart wrenching, mind numbing, misery inducing way. I don’t care that Hayden Christensen can’t act his way out of a paper bag or that Lucas found some way to make Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan Kenobi seem like a whiny b!tch.

If LucasFilm made a new Star Wars movie, I’d go. I am not the biggest Star Wars fan in the history of time. I don’t own a Storm Trooper to guard something of value. I don’t have a Darth Vader Cookie Jar and I don’t have the iPhone app to have lightsaber fights with someone next to me (probably only because I don’t have an iPhone, but that’s irrelevant).

I don’t care. I’d go. I’d go and see it at some point in the first week. Not the first night, but definitely during that first week.

So, my some of my coworkers are obsessed with bad 90s songs - especially early to mid-90s songs. They were talking about some of their favorites. Here is a selection:

1.) Poison- Bell Biv Devoe (Turk dance optional)
2.) Bust a Move - Young MC (Old MC is on a different list)
3.) I like to move it move it
4.) Now that we found love by Heavy D
5.) Everybody dance now by C&C Music Factory
6.) This is how we do it by Montell Jordan
7.) Motownphilly by Boyz II Men
8.) Walk the Dinosaur by Was Not Was (not really 90s, but they still liked it)

and a whole host of others. Since most of us are/were kids of this generation, I was curious what other people’s favorite/most embarrassing songs of this generation were.

Thoughts?

This is hysterical:

A friend sent this to me earlier in the week, I got a kick out of it and immediately slated it for a “Friday Morning Funnies” segment at RMTJ… I hope you enjoy it!

Frank and his buddies were hanging out and planning a 5-day golf trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go because his wife wouldn’t let him..

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Frank headed home totally frustrated. The following week when Frank’s buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Frank sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer and holding his putter!

“How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Frank?”

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Yes, Jish! Technology, Good….

At work the last few days, we’ve been talking about how the buzzwords and confluence of Smartphones, Netbooks, Notebooks, Desktops, Cloud Computing and a swath of other concepts have both the ability to make us more AND less productive, and also the ability to change our perspective on our digital worlds.
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My cousin posted this on his FB page. Watch this catch and then check out the outfielder’s look afterward.

The other day, we opened a 2007 Goosecross Lake County Sauvignon Blanc. I should mention up front that Goosecross is one of our favorite wineries. This wine is very light and is would be wonderful at on a hot summer day. It has hints of apple (and pear according to the label, but honestly, I don’t really eat pears, so I will take their word for it). Sauvignon Blanc can taste a little grassy, but I don’t taste it in this wine. Here are the winemakers notes:

Warm, sunny days and cool, foggy nights with no rain are the perfect ingredients for intense flavor development and ideal sugar-to-acid balance. Gentle pressing followed by a cold fermentation accentuates the lively citrus and hint of grassiness that are the heart of our Sauvignon Blanc. Fresh and crisp on the palate it’s generous with bright Meyer lemon, honeyed pear and lemongrass with a lingering finish of fresh pineapple and pink grapefruit.

My only regret with this wine is that it is gone. I wish we lived in a place where we could get wine shipments (more on shipping laws another day)!

This was sent to me a long time ago… I hope you enjoy it:

The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times..?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

“Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

“Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

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So let’s cut to the chase:

Are you for Favre and want Minnesota to win? Or are you against Favre and want Green bay to win?

And please, be willing to share your full thought on the subject!

We would like to welcome our newest Jets fan, Waterboy! That’s right, folks, Waterboy mentioned on the phone with me today that if the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Denver Broncos, he would become a J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS fan….Dallas lost, thus…

WELCOME TO THE JETS BANDWAGON, my friend, I have saved a seat for you! Feel free to bring your tissues to the next game.

So, in our world of the insane, here are just a few news items I thought the world should know about, because I’m sure no one has seen these on TV:

1.) Jon Gosselin’s belief that TV is doing more harm than good for his kids: We here at the RMTJ offices couldn’t agree more. In fact, we’d like to offer up now that any show exploiting children be removed from the air: Denise Richards? GONE! Tori Spelling? GONE! Underaged and Engaged? GONE! 16 and Pregnant? GONE! Anything on Lifetime? GONE!

I’d also like to offer up that I find the timing not even remotely interesting given that his wife would get more of a share of the profits than they would have before…despite his statement that it had nothing to do with it. We believe you here, Jon. And even if we don’t, you’ll never know. Jacka$$.

2.) Everyone’s favorite punching bag, Mike Vick, and Nike kiss and make up…or do they? - Yup, Nike is so over that jail thing. They even went so far as to give him a new contract! Wait, hang on, my assistant is calling. Didn’t give him a new contract. That should read that they didn’t give him a new contract…oh right. No, that’s my bad. They’re just giving him clothing, sneakers, jerseys and other things to help him pass the time since he won’t be passing the ball anytime soon. Oh, okay. Got it. Thanks.

Pardon me, but this one was a little public, wouldn’t you say? PR Nightmare on line one!

3.) Now for a little light, food related news: World Vegetarian Day falls during National Pork Month. Just goes to show who is more important on the food chain. Having eaten more vegetarian food in the last three years than I had in the previous 29 combined, I can honestly say I can understand the feeling that there is a Vegetarian Tax - paying more to eat vegetarian than to eat meat. That being said, when the people who make up these months are mocking your food choices, well, I don’t even know what to do to make this a joke. It is pret a porter.

Just a few stories you might not have been aware of.